Choosing Forgiveness
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”.
~ Lewis B. Smedes
I’ve been struggling with sleepless nights the past week or two, old stories resurfacing and looping their way through my semi-conscious mind. Then dreams come alive in what sleep I find and wake me with that wondering, “What the heck was that all about?”
Do you all have one of those eon old hurts that just keeps circling back around, especially when in your waking day, something brings that old hurt and pain to the surface for real?
When sleeplessness stalks the darkness of my room and I cannot put my finger on a conscious reason why, nothing I can pinpoint that is bothering me, then an old story starts looping that unending tape, the what if, why, what did I do, I thought you never lied and oh yeah, that was not a lie but an omission?
This is a game that can’t be won, so how to go to sleep? Sometimes I get up and eat (not great on the waistline), or I zone out on TV or a mindless game on my phone til my eyes burn and water? When I think about it, I try to write in a blank journal whatever comes off the end of the pen since I can’t yet name the pain (or I’m really good at hiding it from myself). “It’s four o’clock in the morning,” a voice in my head nudges, “go to bed before it’s time to get up.”
Truth is, I’ll never get answers to the underlying cause of some of those deep gashes, those long past, distant pains that get scratched and bleed. What I would like is a resolution to their recurring misery in my semi-conscious mode while trying to go to sleep.
A dear teacher taught me that the only way through the old stuff is to LOOK at it. Ugh!
Turning this conversation into a dialog with yourself, putting yourself first, what painful thoughts or things are you holding onto, have stuffed or buried trying to forget? Can you feel these questions churn up your belly, tighten their grip around your heart, or pull at the back of your mind, daring you to remember? Have you considered letting those feelings, memories, that painful bellyache surface and look it square in the eyes? What would an act of forgiveness look like for you, for your story or the one you want to be in?
Think about a ceremony you could do for and with yourself that would help put an end to one of the loops that has taken up residence in the back recesses of your mind. One of my teachers, Beth Beurkens, reminded me that, “We have need of a form to help us express the difficult feelings and deep emotions to those who cannot or will not hear us.”
Forgiveness is an important part of our lives. We all do and say things we don’t mean or do things we later regret. We hurt those around us and while it’s rarely intentional, it’s life, it happens. On the flip side, things happen to us and words are said to us that hurt. We can live with that pain, harbor resentment, and hold a grudge. Or we can choose to forgive ourselves and others and move on.
Easier said than done, right? But forgiving doesn’t mean that you condone, accept or agree with the source of your pain. Instead, forgiveness is about giving you the peace of mind to move on and get on with the rest of your life, putting you first in the process and allowing you peaceful nights and sweet dreams.
I talk a lot in my upcoming books about exercises and ceremonies, creativity and acts of power that one can do to move through things like forgiveness. One of my favorites is to journal; to write, endlessly and without rhyme or reason. I start with the unsettling story playing itself out in my head and begin writing. I write the happy, I write the sad. I write it upside down and I write it gladly. Sometimes I draw a picture or paint a poem, I just turn my mind loose, let it roam, broil, foam, exaggerate and release.
Here’s the thing I have come to know in the still darkness of a sleepless night… If you want to make putting your first a priority in your life, if you want to get off that sleepless shelf, you’ve got to be willing to let some stuff go and make space in your heart and your mind for YOU, for YOU FIRST, for the dream you are holding at bay with the endless loop of how come, what if or why’s.
When you get to the point where you can forgive and move on, something truly amazing happens. You come to realize that the only person you were hurting by hanging on to the old “stuff”, is you. You might not believe me now, especially if you are in the midst of fresh hurt and anger, but, forgiveness is much more about YOU than it is the other person or thing involved.
Forgiveness then, is really all about you. It’s about giving you permission to let go and move on, to put you first and make space for you to grow, empowered and aware of the magnificent being that you are and are becoming. It’s about cutting the loop, stopping the rewind and opening up a space for the dream you have been holding in your heart.
Dream on it, write about it, delete it from your story and move YOU to the forefront of your life, living for YOU FIRST!
Sleeping better now,
Vicki
“Get my Free Gift Living An Intentional Life”
Vicki Dobbs is a bold and adventurous warrior walking a path of heart to manifest spirituality in everyday lives. She opens existential gateways for individuals to face their challenges and embrace these tests as the great teachers that they are.
Her goal is to see everyone walk in beauty and balance every day of their lives empowered by the voice of their own authentic truth.
Through Wisdom Evolution and Sacred Wisdom Workshops, Vicki creates opportunities for others to make deep personal changes through experiential classes, ceremony, sacred art and story. She endeavors to inspire others to create their lives intentionally. Vicki is an Inspirator of everyday awareness, an Instigator of spontaneous stories and a Connoisseur of Creativity. Gratitude and grace sprinkled with humility and humor are the medicine she brings to the world.
As an Elder, Teacher and Entrepreneur, Spiritual Coach, Ordained Minister and Crafter of Sacred Art and Tools, Vicki perceives life’s journey as an ever-upward spiraling ascension of the human spirit leading her to wisdom, wholeness and authenticity.
Her experience includes being trained in the Harner Method of Shamanic Counseling and the Pachakuti Mesa Tradition of Cross Cultural Shamanism. She is a Graduate Teacher and Mentor with the Lynn Andrews Center For Sacred Arts and Training and has been the Administrator and Writers Guide for Writing Spirit, the School.
Vicki is also an Artist of the Spirit Certified Spiritual and Energetic Life Coach, a Graduate Mentor in the AoS program and a founding member of HeatherAsh Amara’s Warrior Goddess Leadership Team and Facilitator of the Warrior Heart Practice.
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