When you walk through the fire, it’s not the flames that define you, it’s who you choose to become once you step out on the other side. When life challenges you to a one-on-one dual, how to move forward with the win can put you in a position of redefining not just yourself as a warrior, but the path you choose to take moving forward as it may or may not have changed.
I spend the bulk of my time scheduling life “stuff” on a calendar, writing, wondering and listening, weaving prayers into my days, and teaching others how to listen for the whispers on the wind.
Nothing prepared me for the moment my own body would choose to run off in another direction. I think I felt betrayed. Did I miss the warning signs or was it like those car accidents of my younger days when no one got hurt but the message was loud and clear? Something, someone, or more importantly, I needed my attention..
That day last week when my heart raced out of control and my breath grew shallow, I stood, as Lynn would say, at the edge between worlds, learning just how fragile this human journey can be.
Many would call what happened to me just a cardiac event. Supraventricular tachycardia. An irregular heartbeat. A rogue wave in the sea of an otherwise busy, full, but steady life. I guess I knew better. I recognized the deeper invitation hiding beneath the diagnosis, the label the doctors put on it.
When you come face to face with your own mortality, everything stops. I had no clue how close the invitation to leave actually was. It was not just my breath. It was not just the clock I watched tick seconds by like there could be a timer that would end it all. My own self-illusions were challenged, the ones that had kept me believing I have all the time in the world, that tomorrow will come of course and that this body of mine is strong even though I knew it needed more movement, more breath, more balance.
In the days that followed “the event”, as I lay in the stillness of recovery (what an oxymoron for life in a hospital), I felt the tug of two roads stretching out before me. One path well-worn, tempting me to feel powerless, to live in fear, to wear the cloak of victimhood and wonder, Why me?
Truth is, I know I am not a victim unless I choose to be. I am a warrior, scared, shaken, but still standing in the midst of this new and unknown challenger.
Today I choose the path least often taken, the one that calls me not just to survive, but to rise. To sift through the ashes of what happened and find the ember still burning within me.
The message came quietly, intensely, like a river flowing beneath ice just waiting for a spring thaw to grow to the width of its boundaries and roar down mountainsides. “You are still here. Your heart beat wildly to wake you up, not to break you down.”
That’s when I realized that this experience wasn’t punishment for something I had or had not done; it was a gift of permission. Permission to slow down. To listen. To recalibrate. To remember that every beat of my heart is a gift, a miracle, but not a guarantee.
I had to stop asking Why did this happen to me? and instead began asking, What was this here to teach me?
Answers and suppositions flowed like that unleashed river
I learned that life is not about control but surrender, not in defeat, but in faith.
I learned that my strength doesn’t lie in pretending I am invincible but in admitting I am vulnerable and choose to live life boldly, anyway.
I learned that gratitude is not something reserved for the good days; it’s something I must carve out of every day, even the terrifying ones.
Most importantly, I learned that I have the power to rewrite my story, not as a victim of circumstance, but as a fierce, resilient woman who looked fear in the face and kept on going.
The Plan… to get on with living, with life and all its miracles and challenges. Living perhaps, more deeply, slower, more deliberately. I will laugh harder, listen longer, and love more freely.
Every day after is a choice to walk forward, not from a place of what almost happened to me, but from that place I walked through that has made me unbreakable. Once you’ve stood at the edge of life and returned, you carry the knowing that every moment is sacred.
May you always walk the path of an unbreakable warrior even when life throws big ol’ arrows at you. Look up and marvel at the rainbow after the storm.
Please enjoy my Free “Meditation for Centering” MP3
Facebook | Twitter | Linkedin | Instagram
Vicki Dobbs is a bold and adventurous warrior walking a path of heart to manifest spirituality in everyday lives. She opens existential gateways for individuals to face their challenges and embrace these tests as the great teachers that they are.
Her goal is to see everyone walk in beauty and balance every day of their lives empowered by the voice of their own authentic truth.
Through Wisdom Evolution and Sacred Wisdom Workshops, Vicki creates opportunities for others to make deep personal changes through experiential classes, ceremony, sacred art and story. She endeavors to inspire others to create their lives intentionally. Vicki is an Inspirator of everyday awareness, an Instigator of spontaneous stories and a Connoisseur of Creativity. Gratitude and grace sprinkled with humility and humor are the medicine she brings to the world.
As an Elder, Teacher and Entrepreneur, Spiritual Coach, Ordained Minister and Crafter of Sacred Art and Tools, Vicki perceives life’s journey as an ever-upward spiraling ascension of the human spirit leading her to wisdom, wholeness and authenticity.
Her experience includes being trained in the Harner Method of Shamanic Counseling and the Pachakuti Mesa Tradition of Cross Cultural Shamanism. She is a Graduate Teacher and Mentor with the Lynn Andrews Center For Sacred Arts and Training and has been the Administrator and Writers Guide for Writing Spirit, the School.
Vicki is also an Artist of the Spirit Certified Spiritual and Energetic Life Coach, a Graduate Mentor in the AoS program and a founding member of HeatherAsh Amara’s Warrior Goddess Leadership Team and Facilitator of the Warrior Heart Practice.
Connect with Vicki here on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vickildobbsauthor