I’ve been struggling with old “stories” resurfacing and looping their way through my semi-conscious mind the last few days. I had such a wonderful getaway to the ocean, writing and relaxing. Returning, I find myself wondering about stuff and more stuff and no stuff at all. The old do I or don’t, should I or not, can I or can’t… “What the heck is that all about?”
The ocean air fed my soul, but the heat is exhausting back here in the central valley. Sleeplessness stalks the darkness of my room when the heat brings sweat to the nap of my neck and leaves my pillow damp. It is cool enough outside to open the window and the rooms begin to freshen up and cool down around midnight.
I cannot put my finger on a conscious reason why I’m futsing about this week, restless. Nothing I can pinpoint that is bothering me and truth be told, I am trying to get excited about the trip to New Mexico to meet Julia Cameron, SARK, Ann Lemont and more wonderful wise teachers in Santa Fe. Indecision just plays with me; do I drive or fly? What day to leave and which route to take, where to stay along the way?
It’s all pretty silly when I write it out, after all, this is the manifestation of the vision I set out before me at the first of the year – to get back out in the world. It is an interesting play with energy that tends to sneak up on me when I am getting ready to travel. It pulls along those now familiar companions Doubt and Resistance. Even Procrastination took over this week as I did nothing and then rested so I could do some more nothing. Writing now has been put off till the dark of night when all I did in the daylight today was watch old movies.
This is a game that can’t be won but I still find myself playing when there is so much more I could be doing. I said ‘Yes’ in January, I painted ‘Yes’ with intention and thought yesterday. Today was lost to Ruggles in Red Gap. Tomorrow I shall decide on the itinerary and take my grandson to Karate.
Tonight, you are my journal as I write on a blank page this journey with my good enemies. This is one of my weekly writings to you all, that is the real coming off the end of the pen since I can’t yet name the cause or reason for my doubt, procrastination, and resistance (or I’m really good at hiding it from myself). “It’s four o’clock in the morning,” a voice in my head nudges, “go to bed before it’s time to get up.”
Turning this conversation into a dialog with myself, I decide to say goodnight and take my questions into the dreamtime. Who knows what answers I may find and, in the meantime, I have taken the win over Procrastination tonight, finally, and gotten my weekly writing done.
I think about a ceremony or meditation I could do for and with myself that would help put an end to one of the loops that has taken up residence in the back recesses of my mind. Tonight, I have tamed Procrastination even as it is morning again, and perhaps today I will have another conversation with Resistance and Doubt.
They are becoming wearisome friends along this path. You know the ones of which I speak, energy zappers, emotional drains, frequency tweakers. Yup – time to disconnect and reconnect, plug back into the sound of the waves and watch the sun set on the ocean in my dreams.
I will forgive myself this temporary lapse in ambition, move on and get on with the next leg of my journey, putting me first in the process and allowing me peaceful nights and sweet dreams.
Here’s the thing I have come to know in the still darkness of a sleepless night… If I want to make putting my dream a priority in my life, if I want to get off that listless shelf, I’ve got to be willing to let some stuff go and get up and get on with it or the dream I’m holding at bay with the endless nothings, will evaporate and float away.
If you find yourself in the midst of nothing with your dream gnawing at you and yelling “Come On,” drop those shoulders, lift your head high and face in the wind holler back, “I’m coming!”
Nite nite or good morning wherever you are reading this…
Fall into the fall with a new sense of your path… ask yourself again, where am I going? Remember the reason for your journey and hit the road… your dream is calling.
***
Check out this new book Meet our Authors: A Kindle Sampler Buy the book here (or get it via Kindle Unlimited). This first edition features 20 contributing authors (I’m one of them 😊) interviews and sample chapters. Put together by Done for You Publishing, get your copy today.
Please enjoy a free pdf copy of this chapter from Burnout to Bliss, the book I am currently writing.
Click The Image Below To
Order Your Copy of Get Off The Shelf
Click The Image Below To
Order Your Copy of You First
Vicki Dobbs is a bold and adventurous warrior walking a path of heart to manifest spirituality in everyday lives. She opens existential gateways for individuals to face their challenges and embrace these tests as the great teachers that they are.
Her goal is to see everyone walk in beauty and balance every day of their lives empowered by the voice of their own authentic truth.
Through Wisdom Evolution and Sacred Wisdom Workshops, Vicki creates opportunities for others to make deep personal changes through experiential classes, ceremony, sacred art and story. She endeavors to inspire others to create their lives intentionally. Vicki is an Inspirator of everyday awareness, an Instigator of spontaneous stories and a Connoisseur of Creativity. Gratitude and grace sprinkled with humility and humor are the medicine she brings to the world.
As an Elder, Teacher and Entrepreneur, Spiritual Coach, Ordained Minister and Crafter of Sacred Art and Tools, Vicki perceives life’s journey as an ever-upward spiraling ascension of the human spirit leading her to wisdom, wholeness and authenticity.
Her experience includes being trained in the Harner Method of Shamanic Counseling and the Pachakuti Mesa Tradition of Cross Cultural Shamanism. She is a Graduate Teacher and Mentor with the Lynn Andrews Center For Sacred Arts and Training and has been the Administrator and Writers Guide for Writing Spirit, the School.
Vicki is also an Artist of the Spirit Certified Spiritual and Energetic Life Coach, a Graduate Mentor in the AoS program and a founding member of HeatherAsh Amara’s Warrior Goddess Leadership Team and Facilitator of the Warrior Heart Practice.
Connect with Vicki here on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vickildobbsauthor
