Seeing down the path ahead…
Wondering about what tomorrow will bring, I sit down at the computer with a heavy heart today. My dear friend and teacher has returned to the stars and I am trying to see down the road, what comes next, how will they be, will I be?
There is such a fog obscuring the road ahead. It is like driving in the central California valley in late November when the tule fog settles in and you can’t see the road save for the white lines. I’m driving in a 40 degree-morning fog with my head hung out the rolled down window listening for approaching cars, eyes straining to just see 10 feet in front of the car.
That’s how I feel today, who knows about tomorrow. Today, I feel enveloped by a dense, damp fog and blow into it as I might, it isn’t clearing.
Grief can be like this same fog, but it is not grief that swallows my thoughts. It is the inability to see, sense, or feel what comes next. What lies beyond this mist when the day opens and the sun breaks through. What will I see? Who will I see? Who will be there and who will I have missed, lost in the fog along the way?
So different from this past week’s joy of reconnecting. This is the energy need, of a need to re-visit the stories. Remembering what has come before so I might be prepared for what lies ahead. For what is waiting beyond the mist.
Grieving the what if’s is such a waste of what’s now, that I am constantly hearing that “good” voice in my head reminding me that my “Yesterday’s are but memories now, some worth holding, many others need letting go.
“What abouts’ are yet to come,” I hear, “dwelling there a waste of the precious now that you are missing in the fog. You are unable to see beyond the mist because you have anchored yourself in the familiar and forgot to untether yourself so you can drift into what will be, free to feel into all that can be, along with the memories that you choose to carry along, reminding you of that which you no longer want to do, and of the dream you must choose to grow with and into and be a part of now.” I wonder who’s voice I am hearing, hers or the one in my “listening” ear? Is it my own heart now speaking?
Remember…today is the tomorrow you dreamed about yesterday. Don’t waste it speculating and mired down in the what ifs. LIVE it, now. You only pass by this moment once and then it is but a memory. Relish it or you’ll never have it to look back on.
I am but an hour away from connecting with old friends for dinner and saying farewell tonight, for now, to my dear friend visiting from Canada. The ‘what if’ inherent in the inevitable energy of grief, must not stop or slow down, the re-connecting. The links in these chains of friendship and family are now, even more important to put back together, to re-connect and repair. They are the re-building of community.
This longing to see what is lying in wait on the path ahead is, as I write to you, a great distraction for living into the joy of this day, this dinner, these friends.
The one constant here, the world is changing, we are changing, I am changing.
I am going to blow on and through the fog and pay close attention to the immediate steps I take and where they lead me, through this place, now and here.
May you each dream into your tomorrows while you enjoy LIVING today, relishing each and every moment you pass through and those who join you on the journey.
In love and joy, in remembering and re-connecting, I am grateful.
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Vicki Dobbs is a bold and adventurous warrior walking a path of heart to manifest spirituality in everyday lives. She opens existential gateways for individuals to face their challenges and embrace these tests as the great teachers that they are.
Her goal is to see everyone walk in beauty and balance every day of their lives empowered by the voice of their own authentic truth.
Through Wisdom Evolution and Sacred Wisdom Workshops, Vicki creates opportunities for others to make deep personal changes through experiential classes, ceremony, sacred art and story. She endeavors to inspire others to create their lives intentionally. Vicki is an Inspirator of everyday awareness, an Instigator of spontaneous stories and a Connoisseur of Creativity. Gratitude and grace sprinkled with humility and humor are the medicine she brings to the world.
As an Elder, Teacher and Entrepreneur, Spiritual Coach, Ordained Minister and Crafter of Sacred Art and Tools, Vicki perceives life’s journey as an ever-upward spiraling ascension of the human spirit leading her to wisdom, wholeness and authenticity.
Her experience includes being trained in the Harner Method of Shamanic Counseling and the Pachakuti Mesa Tradition of Cross Cultural Shamanism. She is a Graduate Teacher and Mentor with the Lynn Andrews Center For Sacred Arts and Training and has been the Administrator and Writers Guide for Writing Spirit, the School.
Vicki is also an Artist of the Spirit Certified Spiritual and Energetic Life Coach, a Graduate Mentor in the AoS program and a founding member of HeatherAsh Amara’s Warrior Goddess Leadership Team and Facilitator of the Warrior Heart Practice.
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