What’s on Your List?

It’s that magical time of year… the season of twinkling lights, jingling bells, and the perennial question that pops up like a holiday fruitcake: What’s on your list? I ask my kids, my grandkids, my husband, sister, friends. You know the drill? And how many times do you get a real answer?

Ah, the list. It starts innocently enough, a simple compilation of “wants.” You want a book, maybe a new scarf, a spotted pony, that strangely alluring kitchen gadget you’ve seen on infomercials (and when was the last time you really cooked?)

If you ask me, I am often at a loss for words. I am blessed and usually get what I want when I need it, so lists never quite happen for me. Oh, I talk a lot about needing a new recliner, the back on mine won’t stay up and my head needs a pillow to prop it into TV viewing mode. I love books but have enough to fill a room and get more each month for possible interviews for my radio show. Maybe a new goose down pillow?

I jot down stuff for the kids and grandkids, checking them off as I go. As December marches on this year, I have begun to notice something curious. My list isn’t just about things anymore. It is growing feelings. It may have started off with material desires, but by the time I’ve wrapped some of those gifts, I realize I’ve entered a very different mindset. Call it spiritual if you will, but this year it is different.

At some point in every holiday season, I start thinking about things like peace, joy, love, and maybe even a bit of gratitude for the abundance in my life. This year, my list has grown like a tree planted in the perfect soil and gratitude is blooming from every branch.

You see, I have been fairly silent about this years’ “pivots.” There have been some real-life health challenges in my family. I am ever so grateful for the amazing doctors and their staff who have found their way into our lives. I have never seen so many new faces and met so few egos as I have in this past year.

The healers we have been gifted to find, are seeing us as people and not just as a problem or disease. They are treating the whole of us and not just that part that is in need of their help in that moment. I am feeling so blessed and grateful.

My list has transformed from a shopping guide to a manifesto of everything I wish for everyone, mostly reminding myself that I not only want, but desperately need the quiet moments, the laughter around the room, and the feeling of “it’s going to be ok.”

What I have begun to believe is that it might very well be OK, as I wait and read another report with a smile and good news for my beloved. And then, there is the new knee looming on the horizon for me.

Here’s where it gets tricky. In my pursuit of the perfect gift, the “list” has become a bit of a spiritual test. It’s easy for me to get caught up in the giving, I so love it. A few more candles, a few more decorations, a few more gifts in that overstuffed stocking.

But amid the paper and bows, the tree and lights, the firelight and candlelight, there is perhaps, a deeper question: What’s really on my list?

Think about it for a second. Beyond the recliner I really need and that book I’ve been meaning to read, what am I truly longing for? Peace, maybe. Connection and community, for sure. How about a sense of purpose, of belonging?

The older I get (and yes, I’ve been on this Earth long enough to notice a few things), the more I realize that what I truly want doesn’t come wrapped in fancy paper with a bow on top. It is found in those quiet moments, the unspoken understanding between dear friends, and the genuine presence of loved ones.

You could say that the real gift on my list this year is something less tangible. It is a deeper sense of gratitude and a bit more patience with myself and others. Perhaps, the even more important, yet often elusive, is the gift of letting go of tomorrow and living fully present, today.

Yes, I know, I’m beginning to sound like a Hallmark movie, but hear me out.

If I’m being honest, most of us won’t actually get all the things that we “want,” check off the whole list.

What I am beginning to know, is that maybe that’s the lesson.

Maybe the real gift is in releasing the expectation that the holiday should fulfill my every wish in order to be “a good one” this year. I’m thinking that if I pause for a second, I’ll realize that “the list” isn’t about the stuff at all, and that’s the moment when the real magic of the season begins for me.

So, what’s on your list this year?

Is it more things, or more meaning? More noise and clatter or peace and calm.

I’m thinking the simple joy of being present with those who matter most and being filled with gratitude for them all being in my life, just might be the key to the perfect holiday this year.

I’m thinking the most important gifts won’t come with “receipts.” No return necessary because they will be the ones that stay with me long after the wrapping paper is in the recycle bin.

May you find an abundance of joy, love and laughter waiting under your tree and at the top of your “list.”